New Saptapadi for New Marriages

 

 

Recently I had been with a couple who celebrated their 50^th wedding anniversary. Everyone was happy , the couple performed same rituals again after 50 years. The bride and the groom was having same glow on their face. I could feel the nervousness of the bride. She still was not able look into the eyes of groom.  They were holding each others hand near fire and took those seven steps “Saptapadi”. I was watchful and listening cautiously though I did the same in my marriage.

Those Seven Steps were:

• The first step, promise to nourish each other.
• The second step, to grow together as strength. 
• The third step is to preserve wealth.
• The fourth step is for the attainment of happiness in all walks of life.
• The fifth step is to take care of children and parents. 
• The sixth step is for to be together forever.
• The seventh step is to remain friends for ever.

I was engrossed in watching the ceremony and update popped up in my FB account. Update was “Engaged” by one of my young students. I had two contradicting situations in front of my eyes. One is being with each other for fifty years and still so enigmatic and another announcing his relationship openly on social networking.  This incident made me think about today’s contemporary Indian relationships. Now a day’s youngsters are so vocal about their relations. Just updating status on face book they declare their relationships like engaged, confused, or single again which is so unlike our old traditional days. Openness about relation is good but are they open in their relationship? Do they accept each other with an open mind? How long the relation continues? Sometimes not even for 50 days and the status changes to single again. And if the marriage happens then are they happy? Today's generation prefer separation than dragging relations. 

But then the question is what make couple to be with each other for 50 years. It has been observed that our various marriage rituals like kanyadan, saptapadi used to tie the couples with each other for lifetime. Acknowledging India’s respect for its culture and social ethics, one can expect that India enjoys a low divorce rate. But it is more surprising to know that 1 out of 100 Indian marriages end up to a divorce and the rating growing.  It has been also blamed to women empowerment. But is women empowerment wrong? Is becoming financial independent wrong?

Then what is the solution for Divorce- Proof marriage? Time has changed and so are couple’s expectations for each other. Earlier each partner role was defined and couples used to lead successful life. Today men also expect their partner to be career oriented and women wish to have her identity, freedom, and emotional support from her partner. Their roles in day to day life are altering. And they are unable to cope up with the change.

So today along with the traditional Saptapadi couples need to make more promises to each other for Divorce – proof weeding:

1.      I promise to respect, admire and appreciate you for who you are, as well as for the person you   wish to become.

2.   I promise to support and protect your freedom, because although our lives are intertwined, your choices are still your alone.

3.   I promise to seek a deep understanding of your wishes, your fears and your dreams.

4.   I promise to always strive to meet your needs, not out of obligation, but it delights me to see you happy.

5.   I promise to nurture your goals and ambitions; to support you through misfortune, and to celebrate your triumphs

     6.   I promise to keep our lives exciting, adventurous, and full of passion.

7.   I promise to treat you with compassion rather than fairness, because we are team.

 Source: Science of relationships 

Marriage is wonderful journey enjoy it by respecting each others uniqueness.

Are You Sowing Seeds of Racism??

 

“Beta dudh pilo gore ho jaoge”. “Take a bath and become gorachitta.” Children immediately follow parent’s order with single dream in mind to become fair. Frequently we get to hear these kinds of statements. Many urban well educated parents use these kinds of dialogs to make their job easy.  Then Hindi lessons begin by reading statements written behind the trucks and autos “Buri nazarwale tera mu kala” or “Dal mae khuch kala hey” Bollywood hit songs try to pacify that though we are dark we are good at heart (Hum kale ho toe kya hua dilwale hey).Our tradition of painting a face of the wrongdoer or offender with black color is renowned.  Swimming or outdoor games are big NO NO especially for girls due to fear of getting tan. Search engine unveils the meaning of Black is it is associated with power, elegance, formality, death, evil, and mystery. Black is a mysterious color associated with fear and the unknown (black holes). It usually has a negative connotation (blacklist, black humor, 'black death').

Yes we do get evidences for obsession for white skin which can be traced back to the caste system when there was lack of education. Black is always associated with negative events. But this is story of so called metropolitan highly educated families. In the past creating obsession for fairer skin has added by fairness cream is always being pointed out. Infants do not understand fairness cream advertisement but we parents who develops values since that age. 

The issue we are talking about is significant. The fallacious statements used by family members, teacher’s leads to toddler’s faith development which result in value development. This induces children to build up faith that beautiful = fair skin and necessitate value fair skin or white color of the skin. If Indian kids nurture in such surroundings then can we expect racist free India?? 

Misleading statements, age-old irrational proverbs are derogatory and result in racial discrimination and sows the seeds of obsession for fair skin. Mentioning such absurd proverbs on vehicles, using in books should be banned.  Using such defensive statements should be discouraged.

Small changes will bring big changes…..